Broken

 

 

043

Admittedly, this is a very different post. When I started this blog, I had intended for it to be a place of hope, encouragement and inspiration to anyone who happens to visit and read it. And I do continue to do that but sometimes I hurt so much that I need to let it out even just briefly. Though I strive to hold on to faith and continue to be hopeful, I do have times when I am so down I can’t seem recover from whatever is hurting me. Once again, I see precious dreams that I held on so tightly come crashing down. I am just ever so reluctantly accepting that and it is hard, it just hurts I realize God is wiser and God has a plan but right now I am not seeing it; I am not seeing anything new on the horizon to lift me out of this. I have spent over 20 years helping others in many ways and trying to follow what I think is God’s will for me. Yet I still come home alone. Always alone. No one is there to love and help me. The chance to have love in my life is always taken away because somehow I am never good enough,  I feel hurt, defeated, and utterly broken. My heart just aches and the tears just come but no one here really gets the deepness of this; no one really understands. To be rejected over and over because I am not good enough just hurts, hurts, hurts. I do know that God will lift me out of this, I just don’t know when.

Broken

No love can I find to hold and heal me

No tender touch to comfort and soothe me.

All my dreams and hopes for love are shattered

And my aching heart is pierced and broken

Never to be whole and hopeful again.

Like a once vivid stain glass window

Laying in jagged pieces upon a dirt-filled floor

In an old forgotten church

The broken panes are strewn relentlessly

By a malicious and eerily whistling wind

 The window can never be mended and made whole again.

The once colorful fragments fade and splinter as

Time, dust and drenching rain assault them

And soon nothing is left as witness of that shattered

Tinted pane’s former inspiration in

Depicting a scene and pointing to heaven.

No hope of being rescued and mended

It silently slips away to nothing.

So too my tear-stricken heart has no more hope

Of being rescued and mended by love

So I feel destined to quietly fade away into oblivion

And no one will ever know who I really am or

who I could have been.

 

 

10 thoughts on “Broken

  1. nferello

    I am so sorry that you are feeling broken. By all accounts, you are a wonderful person. I hope that the love that you seek will present itself to you one day. Even if you do go home alone, remember that there are people who truly love you. xx

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  2. pavanneh

    It is okay Becky. I started my blog for the same reasons you did. To have a place to write and post articles that would uplift, motivate and give comfort to those who needed it or even if you don’t. But, you would enjoy coming there to read the “good” stuff. I have someone to come home to and it still is not easy to let go of the pain some days. And that is okay too. It is part of living and growing. Let it go. Keep your faith and know that God has something and perhaps someone in mind for you. You are not alone and your poetry is lovely. I don’t think you will fade away into oblivion.

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  3. Kathy Baker

    God’s reasons are often huge mysteries to us. Remember that we only understand things in part whereas He sees the entire picture. He can take the broken, aching pieces of our hearts and reconfigure those pieces into things of beauty!!

    Like

  4. Meredith

    Becky, we are kindred spirits. Would you be a participant in our Blogging class’ blog? Your poetry would be a great addition. Go to http://coveyview.wordpress.com and scroll through our comments to catch up. Mail Nicole a picture you’d like to use and we’re in business. the blog is where we communicate and post. I was confused when I first started and didn’t realize it’s just like what we did every day for 30 days.

    Like

  5. tiggerandbug

    I’m sorry you’re feeling alone. 😦 You ARE good enough. Stop believing the lie that you are not. The LORD has a purpose for you and you are a blessing to so many. You are able to do many and different things that others can not. I appreciate your honesty and your beautiful writing!

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  6. beckyg1003 Post author

    Hello Meredith,
    I will go over there see what all is happening. And see how I can contribute. Thank you for inviting me to join.

    Like

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