Tag Archives: love

Broken

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Admittedly, this is a very different post. When I started this blog, I had intended for it to be a place of hope, encouragement and inspiration to anyone who happens to visit and read it. And I do continue to do that but sometimes I hurt so much that I need to let it out even just briefly. Though I strive to hold on to faith and continue to be hopeful, I do have times when I am so down I can’t seem recover from whatever is hurting me. Once again, I see precious dreams that I held on so tightly come crashing down. I am just ever so reluctantly accepting that and it is hard, it just hurts I realize God is wiser and God has a plan but right now I am not seeing it; I am not seeing anything new on the horizon to lift me out of this. I have spent over 20 years helping others in many ways and trying to follow what I think is God’s will for me. Yet I still come home alone. Always alone. No one is there to love and help me. The chance to have love in my life is always taken away because somehow I am never good enough,  I feel hurt, defeated, and utterly broken. My heart just aches and the tears just come but no one here really gets the deepness of this; no one really understands. To be rejected over and over because I am not good enough just hurts, hurts, hurts. I do know that God will lift me out of this, I just don’t know when.

Broken

No love can I find to hold and heal me

No tender touch to comfort and soothe me.

All my dreams and hopes for love are shattered

And my aching heart is pierced and broken

Never to be whole and hopeful again.

Like a once vivid stain glass window

Laying in jagged pieces upon a dirt-filled floor

In an old forgotten church

The broken panes are strewn relentlessly

By a malicious and eerily whistling wind

 The window can never be mended and made whole again.

The once colorful fragments fade and splinter as

Time, dust and drenching rain assault them

And soon nothing is left as witness of that shattered

Tinted pane’s former inspiration in

Depicting a scene and pointing to heaven.

No hope of being rescued and mended

It silently slips away to nothing.

So too my tear-stricken heart has no more hope

Of being rescued and mended by love

So I feel destined to quietly fade away into oblivion

And no one will ever know who I really am or

who I could have been.

 

 

My Mother’s Beautiful Hands

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With Mother’s Day approaching, I wanted to publish this poem in memory of my own mom who passed away in 2010 just a short time after her 65th birthday. Her passing happened very unexpectedly leaving many of us in deep sorrow and with a painfully empty void in our lives. In her own quiet and special way she had touched many lives.  She loved being hospitable and she enjoyed being creative with her hands; sewing, crocheting, and needlepoint are just a hint of her creativeness.  For me she was a mother and a close friend and she remains in a special place in my heart. i very much miss visiting home and sitting by my mother’s side. In the old farmhouse where I grew up and on a quiet evening that was my favorite place to be. I know that many others will be deeply missing their mothers this weekend too.

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I always remember many cold and wintry nights

when in a house warm with love, a scene of beauty met my sight;

My mother sitting so content and so quietly working with her hands.

An object was forming, a colorful thing which at first I do not understand.

As her mysterious creation grew and took shape, I knew what it was to be.

Sometimes a blanket, quilt or doll; perhaps slippers or ornaments for the Christmas tree.

When finished she gently wraps the gift with care and at the chosen time,

the treasured gift is given and her deep love brightly shines, warm and genuine.

Where else could I find such a tender love? Where else would I go?

Except to my mother’s side, whose warm love could melt a mountain of snow.

So over the years I kept going home to see my  mom and a gift I did not understand

being created by her with love and with her warm, gentle, and beautiful hands.

Antics of My Cats

 

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Another different blog today as I continue in my blogging 101 class but I am still keeping my focus here on finding hope and inspiration in everyday life. After reading this humorous article:  http://gonecatawampus.com/2014/04/11/5-life-lessons-as-explained-by-my-cat/ ,I was inspired to think about the comical antics of my own two frolicking felines. At the moment, they are both resting and ‘behaving’ but at times, they will exhibit their playfulness and their uniqueness as to me no two cats are the same. I guess they inspire me and add a little lift to my day by making me laugh. One of my cats, Angel,climbs to the very top of the cat tree and performs numerous somersaults when I first come home from work. She keeps this up until I come over to pet and tickle her. Now, Mandy, my older gray cat, has started to do her own version of somersaults, just not on top of the cat tree which is a good thing. She is too big and not so acrobatic. And like the article says they like to bask in a sunny window and they will sit perfectly poised somewhere so that i can admire how beautiful they are. They smile so contentedly when I comment on their cuteness and their loveliness.

Being a cat lover and a cat owner, I have tried purchasing various cat toys for their amusement; I’ve bought rubber balls, plastic bell balls, catnip toys, and scratching boards. Of all these things, the scratching boards are most interesting to them. But they also prefer to find their own toys which include cardboard boxes, bottle caps and twist ties. And I just don’t get that. Angel especially will bat and chase a twist tie all over my kitchen and it ends up in the same place each time; in their food dish. Go figure why that is such great fun to her but it is humorous to watch.

But one thing special about them, and about many pets I’m sure, is that they seem to know when I am hurting or sad. When I am in such a state, they come up to me wherever I may be sitting and curl up to me just as close as they can (to the point that I am tightly sandwiched between them) and remain by my side or on my lap rubbing and kneading me for as long as they think I need it. It is very astonishing and compelling to me, how our pets can know when we are hurting the most and most need to be loved. They have their own special way of expressing love. I guess the life lesson that I need to remember from watching my frolicking, four-legged furry friends to also show love and kindness to all the special people that God brings into my life.