Today while reading a science fiction book, the word “captain” stuck out to me. Of course, I’ve seen this word many times and I’ve never consider myself to be a captain of a fine ship. I heard that a famous poet, William Earnest Henley once said, “I am the captain of my soul” in his poem, Invictus. Although, I don’t consider myself to be a captain I do like to be in charge and in control of my life and have a say in everything. This is especially true when I think I cannot trust in others.
Recently, I experienced a sudden mishap that caused me to not trust, to not be content, and to not believe. Someone made an honest mistake, which for me led to unexpected and unwanted consequences; even somewhat costly ones. Sadly, I even lost faith in not believing that you would help me and that you would show me the solution, the answer, to my unexpected dilemma. I allowed myself to become too overwrought and irate about it. I also decided to not trust, Instead, I would do whatever I can to stay in charge of whatever the situation in life might be! Yes, that’s the answer, I will be the captain and never mind anyone else’s help or suggestions offered to me.
Well, God, it didn’t take long for me to realize that I still needed to trust, wait, and be content. For during my overwrought state, I tried in vain to solve my own problem but nothing worked. Many aspects of that situation remained out of my control including time. I knew I needed to solve this problem within a certain timeframe and I became increasingly irate and frantic as all of my efforts amounted to nothing.
Though too impatient to do so, I learned that I just needed to wait. I needed to discipline myself, be content, and choose to trust. And yes, as always, you The Forever Faithful One, showered your grace upon me although I did not deserve it. You led me to the solution in your own way and in your own time. I’ve no doubt now, that you were testing me and I failed utterly. So Lord as I wander along this life’s path and if I ever get it in my head, that I want to be the captain, the one in absolute charge, please lovingly remind me that you are the admiral in my life. And that you are the Heavenly Father in loving charge of me.